Why I’m trying out minimalism.
Let me begin by saying that I’m a very materialistic person. I haven’t done enough self reflection to pinpoint the exact date it happened, how it happened, and why it happened — just that I am. Not that I’m pinning the blame on anyone, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact my father’s love language was giving gifts, and that’s something that was passed on to me as well.
I absolutely love the thrill of adding something to my shopping cart (physically and virtually), and I find that my mind is often occupied with the things I’ll buy next, when I haven’t even received my last online order. I realize how bad things were when I couldn’t even recall what it was that I had ordered, before it was even delivered to me!
I was never content with what I had, just that I had the urge to have more. The things I owned had to be the best there was. I wanted a bag, and it had to be designer. I have a newly purchased, perfectly functional wallet from a fast fashion brand, but there was a nagging thought at the back of my head telling me I needed another, more expensive one.
These are the things that often occupy my brain, which brings me to why I want to become a minimalist, and why I’m giving it a go. We were taught in the bible (not that I believe), to not cling to material possessions for the real treasure is in heaven. Buddhism teaches the same, discussing how the root of our suffering comes from attachment.
Sometime ago, I realized that the reason I was so unhappy for a good part of my life was because I was never grateful. I never took the time to sit down and see that I live in circumstances far better than others. I always wanted more — and when I was able to attain that thing, it never did much to fill the gap in my existence. Thus ensued an endless, monstrous cycle of buying something, convincing myself I need it, feeling guilty for splurging, and having that item sit around in my room to collect dust.
Take for example, a Polaroid automatic land camera I bought for around P3000 pesos. I’m interested in film photography, and I already own a Diana F+ mini I take with me during our family trips abroad. The camera is the first to ever be released by Polaroid, and I purchased it knowing that the production of the film for that certain type of camera was discontinued. I didn’t necessarily have the money to buy the few stocks of film available online either, yet I still bought it thinking that one day some start up company would resume production of the film. It sounds delusional, I know. But in hindsight, our brain is creative with conjuring justifications for things we’re convinced we need, even if we actually don’t.
I purchased that camera around three years ago, and it’s sitting in my cabinet, never having been used. Did buying that Polaroid make me happy? I’m sure when I purchased it, there was an initial reaction of excitement and awe of getting to tinker with something vintage, but that euphoria was fleeting, and I could hardly remember it at all.
The accumulation of all other similar experiences is what drives me to minimalism. I want to be happy, without necessarily depending on material objects to reach that goal. Not to mention that I’m a broke college student with no allowance since classes are online, so my bank account could really benefit from this. Knowing myself, I have a penchant for starting things without following through it. I’m hoping this blog can help me through the process of reducing physical objects that take up space in my life.
I intend for this blog to be part of my process of knowing what are the things that are truly important to me, so this will likely be a self-reflection blog, coupled with short musings and reminiscences of the objects I’ll be parting with.
Until next time,
Aria.
